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  • THE "TWO-COW EXPLANATION" OF WHAT MAKES...

    A SOCIALIST:
    You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

    A REPUBLICAN:
    You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

    A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor You feel righteous.

    A COMMUNIST:
    You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

    A FASCIST:
    You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

    DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
    You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

    CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
    You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

    BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
    You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
    You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.