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  • In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity,

    here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

    On Sears hairdryer:
    Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

    On a bag of Fritos:
    You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

    On a bar of Dial soap:
    Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)

    On some Swann frozen dinners:
    Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a "suggestion"!)

    Printed on bottom of the box of Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:
    Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!)

    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
    Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)

    On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
    Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)

    On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
    Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year old's off those forklifts.)

    On Nytol sleep aid:
    Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)

    On a Korean kitchen knife:
    Warning keep out of children.

    On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
    For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space or underground?)

    On a Japanese food processor:
    Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)

    On Sainsbury's peanuts:
    Warning: contains nuts. (Not to mention the nut who wrote the warning )

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
    Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (DDDUUUHHH)

    On a Swedish chainsaw:
    Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (No comment.)

    On a childs superman costume:
    Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)