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  • Antiforward #3

    Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from
    rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams,
    fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution,
    and guilt for not forwarding about 50 billion chain letters sent to
    me by people who actually believe that if you send
    them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in
    Arkansas with a leg growing on her forehead will be able to
    raise enough money to have it removed before her
    redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak
    show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to
    give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000?
    How stupid are you?  So basically, this message is a big YOU
    ARE DUMB to all the people out there who have nothing better
    to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the
    evil chain letter leprechauns will come into
    my apartment and kill me in my sleep for not
    continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5
    A.D. and was brought to this country by midget
    pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the
    year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World
    Records for longest continuous streak of blatant
    stupidity. Yea right. If you're going to forward
    something, at least send me something mildly amusing.
    I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your
    closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a
    human being will somehow receive a Nickel from some
    omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't care.
    Show a little intelligence and think about what you're
    actually contributing to by sending out forwards.
    Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

    Chain Letter Type 1:
    (scroll down)

    Make a wish!!!
    <Keep Scrolling

    No, really, go on and make one!!!

    Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
    Wish something else!!!

    Not that, you freak!!


    Wasn't that fun? :)
    Hope you made a great wish :)

    Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll
    do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096
    people in the next 5 seconds, you will be trampled
    by a mad goat and thrown off a high building
    into a pile of manure.
    Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

    Chain Letter Type 2

    Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You
    see, there is a starving little boy in
    Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs,
    no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life
    could be saved, because for every time you pass
    this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little
    Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from
    Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.  Oh, and remember,
    we have absolutely no way of counting the emails
    sent and this is all a complete lie. So go on,
    reach out. Send this to
    5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a
    reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or
    6 people, you will die instantly.
    Thanks again!!

    Chain Letter Type 3

    Hi there!! This chain letter has been in
    existence since 1897. This is absolutely
    incredible because there was no email then and
    probably not as many sad people with
    nothing better to do.

    So this is how it works... Pass this on to
    15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or
    something horrible will happen to you like:
    *Bizarre Horror Story #1
    Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on
    Saturday. She had recently received this letter
    and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in
    the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed
    down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went
    flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she
    smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To

    *Bizarre Horror Story #2
    Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain
    letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that
    day, he was hit by a car and so was his mother.
    They both died and went to hell and were cursed
    to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.
    This Could Happen To You Too!!!
    Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and
    Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser
    friends, and everything will be okay.

    If you get some chain letter that's threatening
    to leave you loveless or luckless for the rest of
    your life, delete it.  If it's funny, send
    it on.  Don't make people mad by making them
    feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no
    teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for
    27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter
    he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise
    you'll end up like Pinsley and Bip. Right? Now forward
    this to everyone that you know
    otherwise you'll find all your underwear missing
    tomorrow morning. Page Title Goes Here...